


Rory's Choice

by Sarah531



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Dubious Consent, F/M, Please read the warnings at the beginning, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-27
Updated: 2012-02-27
Packaged: 2017-11-08 03:37:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/438713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sarah531/pseuds/Sarah531
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rory has sex with his best friend, for the second time in his life. Something begins, but something else definitely ends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rory's Choice

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Something takes place which is semi-consensual at best. Also, dangerous sexual practices and self-harm. This is tagged 'choose not to use archive warnings' because I have absolutely no idea what actually to tag it as, but please be aware that, although nothing is described in more than very clinical terms, it's marked 'explicit' for a reason.
> 
> Essentially it is about the intersection of mental illness, sex, self-harm, and love.

One night in July- two weeks and five days since the Leaving- the streetlights went out. It didn't mean anything. But Amy thought it did, and Rory found her eventually on the grass in the village green, beneath the moonlight.  
  
"There's not many stars," she said, when he sat down next to her. "I swear, there used to be more."  
  
"Um. I dunno. Maybe. Won't Aunt Sharon wonder where you are?"  
  
"No," she said with finality. She grabbed his hand and pulled him down to her level. "Leadworth looks different in the dark."  
  
It did. The shadows were more pronounced and it gave the whole place a feeling of _oldness_. It made Rory oddly uncomfortable. He liked the comforts of humanity, and lights in a darkened town were one of those things. "Powercut, Jez down the road says. They'll come back on soon."  
  
"I thought you wanted to talk about last night."  
  
"Um." He moved closer to Amy. Things happened down below as he did so. "I thought you didn't want to talk about it."  
  
"Sleeping with your best mate, it's not actually meant to happen, yeah?" She looked at him. "Was I your first time?"  
  
Rory was many things, but he was also a twenty-one-year-old boy, and so he looked away and said, "No." Amy looked away again and back towards the stars.  
  
"It feels so lonely here," she said. "Like being all alone in the universe."  
  
"I don't want you to be lonely," Rory said helplessly. "Let's go inside."  
  
She shook her head. Then she reached for his hand. And then she reached for something else.  
  
"Amy!"  
  
"I just told you I was lonely, you said you didn't want me to be-come on, you want this!"  
  
"You're my _friend_ , my best friend-"  
  
"Amy," Rory said, and fought for the best words, "you haven't been quite right, since he left..."  
  
"I wasn't _ever_ quite right. Have sex with me."  
  
She pressed her hand right down on his penis, so hard that it hurt a little. He stood up, fast. "Not here."  
  
"Course not here, what d'ya think I am?"  
  
He tried to answer that, but no words came out, because he was of course totally in love with her and had been since day one. She led him back to her house. Although the lights had already begun relighting, it looked dismal in the dark. Last time it hadn't been her bedroom, it had been his, and so he remembered now the toys and images that littered her house...  
  
"I can't do it in front of him like that," Rory said, full of second-time nerves. "All those Doctor toys. It weirds me out. Sorry."  
  
Amy rolled her eyes and pushed him onto the bed, hard. "You'll just have to get used to it." She started pulling his trousers off.  
  
"Amy, are you sure we're not moving too fast?"  
  
"No," she said, and got to it almost instantly- she climbed on top, and pushed things into where she wanted them to go. She was good at sex, she had been before, and she writhed and gasped at the appropriate moments. He hoped she wasn't faking it. But what did he know? She was the experienced one.  
  
Before long it was over, and he panicked. As Amy rolled off him he said, "You'd tell me if I was rubbish, right?"  
  
"I would," she said, but she didn't. "Want to do it again?"  
  
"I just need a minute."  
  
Amy moved close and cuddled up to him, which surprised Rory immensely. She ran her fingers through his hair as well, and said, "You should get your hair cut."  
  
"I...I will, then."  
  
"Do you think he'll ever come back?"  
  
A multitude of thoughts, most of them painful, cascaded through Rory's head. "I don't know." He wanted to say _take me with you if you go, please take me with you_ , but he didn't know how she would react. He had just decided to say it anyway when she reached over him and started rummaging through her bedside drawer. She withdrew a pair of scissors, and Rory thought she was going to cut his hair, but then she handed them to him.  
  
"What's this for?"  
  
In response, she spread her legs. "Put them in there."  
  
"What?"  
  
"In there."  
  
"I'm not doing that, it's dangerous!"  
  
"I've done it before, it never hurts or anything. I like it."  
  
"I-"  
  
"Would you just do it?"  
  
Very, very gingerly, he did. He didn't dare put them in very far, but Amy gasped in surprise when she felt it. Rory sat there not sure what to do.  
  
"Move them around. Just a tiny bit. It won't hurt or anything," she said.  
  
"I don't think I should."  
  
With a sigh, Amy extended her arm, clasped her fingers around his wrist, and started doing it herself. She seemed to enjoy it; her eyes closed. Rory tried to remember if the scissors had been safety scissors or regular ones.  
  
"Amy, I'm gonna stop now, okay?" he said. "It's too dangerous. I'm a nurse, and-"  
  
"But I _like_ it. And you like it, right?"  
  
"I just told you I didn't!"  
  
Amy merely gripped his hand harder. Rory looked down. There was something down there that looked like blood- and yes, it was blood- and it was flowing fast and pooling on the bedsheets-  
  
"Amy, stop!"  
  
She didn't.  
  
"Amy, you're bleeding! Stop!" He wrenched his hand away. Amy jerked up and stared down in irritation.  
  
"It's all right," she said. "I heard that happens sometimes."  
  
"You're _bleeding_!"  
  
The scissors lay on the bed in the expanding pool of blood, and Rory found himself switching into Nurse Mode. At the same time, he was fighting down revulsion at what they'd both done. "Right. Lemme get some tissues-" He found a closed box of them sitting on Amy's computer desk and handed it to her. "Okay. Get some tissues and just use those for now, okay?" His training was kicking in. "It's not actually as bad as it looks, I think. The skin up there is pretty delicate and there's more of a blood supply-"  
  
"It'd be really embarrassing to go to the hospital. You work there, and they know I'm your girlfriend."  
  
Amy's last statement, small but significant, went over Rory's head. "Apply as much pressure as you can," he told her. "Maybe it's just a nick. How hard were you- never mind. Keep pressing it."  
  
Amy took another tissue and dabbed at the blood on the bed. Rory darted out onto the landing and retrieved the stain remover from the windowsill- Amy's house had always been his second home and he knew exactly where it was kept. He sprayed some on the bed, and Amy stopped trying to clean it. Rory hovered around her worriedly. "Is it stopping?"  
  
"I think so."  
  
"We really should go to the hospital."  
  
"I don't want to."  
  
"Amy, why did you- why did I-" He was suddenly tired and confused. "That was dangerous, and you were _holding_ me-"  
  
For the first time, Amy looked guilty. She stared at the blood on the bed. "Sorry."  
  
"I don't know _that_ much about how to treat those kinds of injuries, okay? We need to see somebody who does."  
  
"C'mon, you're a good nurse."  
  
"But you need a doctor, really." As soon as he'd said it, he realized what Amy would make of it. But she said nothing. "I'll drive you," he said.  
  
"Rory, I don't want to." Amy reached for more tissues. The bleeding did seem to be stopping, and Rory said down next to her on the bed. They sat in silence for a few minutes, Amy throwing the blood-soaked tissues into the waste-paper bin, and Rory finally plucked up the courage to say, "That wasn't really...a good idea, Amy."  
  
"I know."  
  
"It's not healthy."  
  
"Well, what is?"  
  
Rory sighed. "You said you'd done it before?"  
  
"Yeah. By myself, just...practicing. I mean, I thought you'd like it too. I want you to like what I like, yeah? I just want..." She trailed off. "I thought we'd do it loads."  
  
"Well, we're not going to!"  
  
"I know that now!"  
  
Rory wondered if she would bring up the Doctor, but she didn't. Instead, she started to put her knickers back on. "It's almost stopped now."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"I'm gonna change the bedsheets and go to bed."  
  
"D'ya want me to go?"  
  
She looked sad. "Yeah."  
  
*  
  
They made their way down the stairs. Not for the first time, Rory noticed the complete lack of photographs of Amy's parents. Or even Aunt Sharon. It was only the Doctor whom Amy wanted reminders of.  
  
"Amy," he said at the door, "I know I can't make you go to the hospital, but if you feel dizzy or faint or anything, _please_ go, alright? They won't make you see a therapist or anything. I mean, probably not. Unless you want to?"  
  
"Alright," Amy said.  
  
"I think we should talk about this later."  
  
"Nothing actually _happened_ , yeah? I just wanted to do something, and you didn't. That's not even that weird or anything."  
  
"But you hurt yourself."  
  
"Not on purpose!"  
  
Rory knew she wouldn't talk about it. He knew her too well. "Okay. Just remember what I said." He opened the door and turned to go, but found he couldn't. "Amy..."  
  
"What?"  
  
Rory stood in the doorway, uncertain, but then he decided. "I don't think you're weird or anything. But I do want you to know...um...just that I'm always there if you need me, okay? I'll be there." Amy looked at him, her hand on the door, not closing it. "Look, it's like...I know the Doctor was always your childhood hero. But _you_ were mine. The way you always knew everything, and stood up for people, and the way you were with Mels, and just...all the amazing stuff you did every day, you know? I just thought you should know." He backed away, inexplicably giving her a wave. "I'll see you later, okay?"  
  
Amy stared at him like she'd never seen him before. "Okay," she whispered. "Okay." And then she closed the door, and Rory walked away alone.


End file.
